November 13, 2002

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  EDITORIAL COMMENT.....

  I first published this entry on Friday, October 18, 2002. Here's what amazes me about the piece---it has not generated a single comment.....not even a negative one!
  
  I've had folks commenting on some of the really nonsensical entries I've done; but this one is a piece of my heart and soul, as well as my life, and no little birdies even came by to peck at it???
  
  Ultimately, I don't care about eprops, or even praise (faint or otherwise), but puh-leeze! It's got to be worthy of at least a "Yea" or "Nay" grunt.....don'cha' think?
  
  So, maybe somehow it just got overlooked. Well I've now updated it and placed it right up front for all the world to see (and hopefully respond this time).
  
  Honestly---with MY ego, I can stand almost anything but being ignored, especially when I'm clearly making fast tracks to be in some kind of spotlight!
  
  LOL
  
  So come on folks---BOO OR RAVE-ON.....HISS OR CHEER.....CRY OR LAUGH.....SEND ME ANGRY SMILEY FACES OR HUGS---but do SOMETHING!
  
  Pwetty Pweeze?
  
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  
  A BIT OF MY STORY.....PAST & PRESENT.....
  This is a modified version of an email reply I sent. I haven't blogged for weeks, and because this narrative is worthy of being published -- it inspired me. So here goes.....
  
  Plenty of people have been involved in drugs and alcohol early in their life. When I learn of this, my first question is always to inquire whether or not they are in recovery, and clean & sober now.
  
  I am!.....and I'm sober & clean (from alcohol, diet pills, and all other mind-altering or addictive chemicals) continuously since June 1, 1971.
  What a blessing that is!
  
  Some folks' lives are certainly filled with a lot more infamy than mine. My adult "bad-girl" story sounds like it's about a conservative "Goody Two-Shoes", compared to some stories I've heard (for instance, I've never been incarcerated); but mine is more about my psychotic mental disorder of bipolar episodes and manic-depression (two names for the same condition) -- as well as my other emotional illnesses, panic disorders, and (many) other behavioral difficulties.
  
  I was extremely "high-bottomed" regarding chemical dependency and abuse, at the time that I had my last drink and drug (diet pills), but I'm also free of cigarettes (just the regular ones -- never smoked marijuana type stuff), and I was plenty "low-bottomed" with the cigs. I also quit them in 1971. I'd chain-smoked from 2½ to 3½ packs a day for quite a while. Didn't think I'd be able to quit, and went through extreme withdrawals. The psychological ones lasted at least 6 months.
  So grateful for being free of that addiction, too!
  
  I also know, that my childhood was more violent and shattering than a goodly portion of folks -- I was suicidal by the time I was 10 years old. My story is not the worst in the world, by any means.....but it holds it's own, within it's particular category.
  
  Many in recovery are now faring better than me at this point in all our lives. I have been disabled (all three categories...mentally, emotionally and physically), and unemployable for eleven years now, and have continued to deteriorate over those years. It's a good thing I love to talk on the phone, email and surf the net. They are my main connection to the world these last several years. I am mostly housebound, and have only been out of the house on an average of 3-5 days per month for most of the past year. (Sigh.....)
  
  It's a good thing my faith is strong -- and it totally is! I love God so much, and He is my companion and my source of grace and strength thru the rigors of my life journey. My relationship with Him is the reason for my joy and contentment in the midst of a devastated existence. Doing his will [and the work of fulfilling the calling he put on my life 42 years ago], is my reason for being on the planet and for breathing in & out!
  

  • 5:15 pm
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