December 11, 2002

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  MUSINGS AND SHARING.....
  
  Beyond the fact of my longtime limitations, one of the disadvantages of aging, as I'm experiencing it, is the unbridgeable gap between what I want to do in-ternally --- and what I'm able to do ex-ternally. I work first, at accepting it ... next, at accepting it graciously ... and finally --- transcendence --- rising above it alltogether, in my spirit (a state of being, which cancels the need to be having frequent thought about whatever was the challenge).
  
  That is the process I use, in dealing with those unpleasant situations over which I have no power in the material world. Sometimes I go thru the first two stages instantly, to arrive at the final transcendency. Other unpalatable conditions can require decades of effort. Some of these are the ones which keep changing, and are therefore, continually plopping me firmly and repeatedly back at the beginning. (To quote my old friend, the Monopoly Game, "Go directly to `jail', do not pass `GO', do not collect $200". LOL!)
  
  Of course the first requirement is that I step back and accept the two facts of (1) the constant flux, and (2) my need to re-process through the changes. That I have done, and I am firm, but patient, understanding, and gentle with myself in the midst of the work.
  
  Where am I in the process of dealing with aging? I would place myself somewhere in the midst of gracious acceptance, on the road to transcendence --- at this time. (Wait til the next flux occurs, when once again I'll be found running retrograde in my efforts!)
  
  Someone sharing in a fellowship meeting I attended Saturday, mentioned that oft-embraced belief that we are "spiritual beings having a human experience". That sounds nice as far as it goes. I meditated on it many years ago, and came to the conclusion that for me, it's another one of those half-truths which pass as absolutes.
  
  God clearly created the material world because it mattered deeply to Him. Which means my physical human life --- though not as long-lived as my immortal spirit, is of great importance. I believe that the only way in which the spirit has superior significance, is in it's immortality. But just because something has a beginning, middle and an end, doesn't mean it's secondary. I'll use a very clear, and simple example of this principle --- an example which is a wonderful parallel.
  
  Let's look at the subject of marriage .....the wedding ceremony itself, only lasts an hour or two at best, usually followed by several hours of celebration (in some cultures they celebrate for several days!). Yet in it's significance, symbology, and principles, the ceremony is one of the most important parts of the marriage. Pledges are made, which NEED to be taken as seriously as a heart-attack. If the vows are attached to the right kind of commitment by two good people, these vows will be part and parcel of the relationship, which should last til one person dies.
  
  Would we ideally assess the bride and groom in a wedding, as being essentially "betrothed" who are "going thru a joining"? I think not. The value of their vows should remain as important throughout the possible decades of the marriage relationship, as it was the day it occurred. They are just as importantly "wedded", as they are "married".
  
  One point which is really exciting: In the dictionary, The definition of wed, and the definition of marry, are both interchangeable!!!
  
  If we substitute spiritual being for "betrothed", and human experience for "joining ceremony", we can see that the spiritual being is "betrothed" to it's particularly assigned human physical form, and is deeply yearning to go through a "joining ceremony" in order to live out the human experience. (In this instance, the joining is conception or birth, depending on your faith and politics ..... for myself, I choose to believe it's conception.) Our spiritual being was certainly "wed" to our human form. The two have been "married" from that instant of joining, and will continue the relationship til one (the human form) dies.
  
  Is the "betrothed" superior to the "joining ceremony"? No, in fact the state of "being betrothed", exists to facilitate (be of service to) the joining ceremony, and ultimately the marriage relationship. The betrothed parties long for the joining, the same way the spirit longs for it's human form. The two (the "betrothed" and the "joining ceremony") are partners, and ideally they serve each other [in different ways, but] in equal portions.
  
  Is the "spiritual being" part of me superior, because it's "having a human experience"? No, in fact the state of "being spirit", exists --- for that very purpose --- to facilitate (be of service to) the human experience, and ultimately the life quality. The two (the spiritual being and the human experience) are partners, and ideally they serve each other [in different ways, but] in equal portions.
  
  In both cases they are equal, and "One". The betrothed, the joining ceremony and the marriage relationship ..... all three are one.
  
  In like fashion, the spiritual being, the human experience, and the life quality ..... all three are one.
  
  The life quality of my human experience is lop-sided, because my human part has been gravely and repeatedly wounded, and my spiritual being spends inordinate volumes of essence and time supporting basic existence, rather than directing a robust physical life experience. My spirit is forefront and healthy, but my humanness ... although valiant and awesome, is surrounded with self-created limitations, born in defense of environmentally-induced traumas.
  
  The part of my challenge which is most difficult, lies in knowing that my humanness and my spirit, together, are capable of rising above it all, in performance as well as intent; yet, I can't seem to stay focused on the task, maintain a sufficient level of willingness, or muster the required depth of desire. Who wants to knowingly walk into off-the-scale pain? Not me, I'm not a masochist. (What I am, is "chicken"! LOL)
  
  Clearly, I am a dichotomy, even a many-splintered version of my best possible state of being. This is the opposite of having a self which is integrated --- meaning functioning as whole (i.e. all-around health and soundness).
  
  ..... and yet (pause for tears) ..... and yet I know, and I know that I know, that I am doing the best I can at this time. I say this (1) with great compassion for the wounding and "holes in my gut", also (2) with tears of deep pain, because brokenness and holes hurt so bad!!! Many of these "holes", I have transcended, and I've made peace with my reality; but with many other holes, I still run and hide from them and the pain that made them. I struggle constantly for the courage to face them and make my peace.
  
  Because finally, I do not give up trying, nor will I ever. My life commitment, one day at a time, is always to make the effort, no matter what the outcome. I am in the "footwork" business, and God is in the "results" business. My job is to do my part, and let Him do His. My success, or lack of it, is essentially "none of my business" -- it's HIS problem!
  
  One thing's for sure, whether one of my wounds is in the form of waiting seeds and unplowed earth, or that of a harvested crop of ripened grain, which nourishes me --- pain avoided or pain faced --- I shall go to my grave with each one of these "holes". They are both my battle scars and the stars in my crown.
  
  This is the true personal "alchemy": Turning the base metal of pain and suffering, into priceless rewards for courage and valiant effort, and finally ... a precious "golden" source of service to others ..... it is the highest form of transcendency!!!
  
  I am both drawn and driven to this goal in all areas of my life. What a grand conflict! There is no greater passion!
  
  In the final analysis, I am BOTH ... a spiritual being having a human experience, AND ... a human being having a spiritual experience. One is no more significant than the other, because God loves and values all parts of us, equally!
  
  [ If anyone is so inclined, please read my favorite Psalm in the Bible: Psalm 139. It tells all about God's love and care for us. There are descriptions of His detailed interest in us before we were conceived ..... during our growth in the womb ..... for every portion of our completed form once we are born ..... and every moment of our life thereafter! ]
  
  .....Musings, Sharing, or whatever The Teacher does, it just might contain.....A LESSON!!!
  
  

  • 12:14 am
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