LONG PAST DUE.....

RECOGNITION OF MY READERS....
PLUS APPRECIATION FOR YOUR RESPONSES.....

A Brief Explanation
One of the "Sites I Read" is shan41580. I subscribed to this site very early in my relationship with Xanga. I immediately noticed that this online friend (who is also one of my subscribers ... thank you Shannon!), has a practice of beginning most entries with gratitude and acknowledgement of each recent, identifiable visitor, whether for eprops, comments, subscriptions, etc. Not only is there specific mention of each participant, but their usernames are presented as a link to their individual Xanga sites.

I didn't understand why this practice had been adopted, but I liked it. I have recently come to appreciate the reasoning behind the act. Her writing is read a great deal, and this form of response is repectful of the time and energy others spend at her site, as well as a timely and efficient manner of reply. Not only that, it's a very nifty and nice way to help one's readers promote their sites. (One hand washes the other, in this scenario.)

I have finally reached the point where I am overwhelmed with trying to individually respond -- at each site -- to every participant at MY weblog site, yet I believe some form of notice is absolutely the proper netiquette protocol. So-o-o, I wrote and asked permission to be a copycat. No response has been received yet, but I hope it's okay anyway, because I am going to take a leap of faith here, and begin doing it now.

Thank you shan41580, for your creativity, and your contribution to smoother operation of my site.

Introduction
I believe I have pending "honorable mentions" going all the way back to Mid-October. I did take care of some folks, but many got left in the "waiting room". This reasoning comes from the fact that I have kept a great many of my "Daily Feedback Report" emails from that period to now. It's possible I did respond to some of these entries, and I apoligize for any unwitting redundancies; however, I prefer to over-thank you, rather than under-thank you, because my gratitude for all of you is strong.

Four more things:
* Some of you have posted to my Flooble "Chatterbox". A blanket "Thanks-a-bunch" to all of you.
* Several of you offered links to items you thought I might want to check out, and I fully intend to do so and get back to you with my response. It just won't be right now.
* I have listed the "Thank You"s in Descending Date order (most recent date first, like in the majority of email formats).
* If I've missed giving a deserved mention to anyone over this 3-month span (and it's totally possible I have), please accept my profound amends.

If you happen to have any ego like mine , (1) you have my total and utter sympathy !!! and (2) please feel free to let me know about my oversight, and I'll give you a special kudos in my next blog.

On the other hand, if you're too modest or shy to be a "squeaky wheel", hopefully you'll write me again, and I can have the privelege of honoring you at that time.

Okay, here we go.....

December 13
"Here she is ... (Tra-la-la-la, La-la) ... Ms. Belindaann38". (Think the "Miss America" crowning theme!) I love you for your sweetness, eprops, and comments!

December 11
Nice to get comments & eprops from both rzeznikstar169 (who is one of my earliest subscribers) and Belindaann38.

December 5
Dankashein (I think that's the correct spelling!) to Belindaann38, for eprops & a comment. Appreciation to justcallmestg for subscribing, and because we got acquainted in person at the December meetup, your subscription is a bit special to me!

November 20
I love getting subscribers! Thanks from my heart of hearts, to GaTechGrl1983, for joining the list.

November 19
Here's dear Belindaann38 again, who is one of my most loyal (and personally interested) subscribers -- a huge "Original Earthmom" {{{cyber-hug}}} to you for comments & eprops.

November 18
Appreciation goes to Kotas for commenting, and vcrimson for comments & eprops.

November 17
I love this group!

Gracias for eprops & comments from GaTechGrl1983, and MUCHAS gracias, for Liz_A, who epropped, commented, and also took the "full tour" of my site that day, by signing my guestbook for the second time, as well as subscribing (yay!).

Howdy-Doody to illucid_illness as a new subscriber, and a MEGA hearty "Cozy Cottage" welcome to krisinluck -- who epropped & commented on two blogs I'd published that day, and who also subscribed to my site!

November 16
Thank you to one of my longest subscribers, MarylandBaby, for eprops & comments, and to Liz_A, for eprops, comments,and signing my guestbook the first time.

October 18
Last, but certainly not least, thanks to SuSu for comments, eprops, and private email messages, to which (I think?) I still owe the balance of my response.

(Groan...sigh.....I'm so painfully disorganized, the spirit of Feng Shui would die of environmental strangulation, immediately upon entering my life and home!)

Luv to all.

THIS IS HYSTERICALLY FUNNY!!!

========================

The Rules -- This Time By Men

We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married, is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

1 . Shopping is NOT a sport; and no, we are
never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes -- tops.
What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem, only if you want
help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is
what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Check your oil! Please.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null
and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

1. You can either ask us to do something, or tell
us how you want it done. Not both. If you already
know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you
have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions,
and neither do we.

1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it; and quit whining to your girlfriends.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows
default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer
to, then expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely
anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it
doesn't really matter what the hell they're saying
anyway.)

1. It is neither in your best interest or ours, to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

1. BEER is as exciting for us as, handbags are for you.

1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know
we really don't mind that? It's like camping.

~finis~
======================
IP CREDITS
Primary Source
Author: Unknown
Secondary Source
Main Website: Delphi Forums
Alumni Group: Miami Jax Hi
Source Message: #1090.1
======================

Dear Friends.....

To drool, or not to drool (as in, "well duh").
I don't hate President George W. Bush, Jr......

.....but I don't particularly adore him either. (In fact, I've always been registered as a non-partisan Independent voter, and frankly -- since I didn't care for either candidate in the last presidential election -- I voted for one of the lesser party candidates. I think it was Ralph Nader ... he did run then, didn't he? I guess I need to say "well duh" to myself too. Drat those senior moments! )

Anyhoo, A friend sent me an email with a couple of bitingly humorous articles about Bush. They are funny, but definitely not nice to him.

If you.....
* Voted for Bush
* Respect him
* Are in any way fond of him
* Don't like seeing him belittled
* Etc.
.....or any combination of the above, then stay away from the following two articles.

However, if you can handle the fierce and funny ravings of died-in-the-wool, totally Anti-Bush denizens, then be my guest, and read away!

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////

(1.) Canadian news source Toronto Star, presents a Thomas Walkom editorial entitled "Bush fails to meet moron criteria"

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////

(2.) "President Moron" (!) website published an article entitled, "Report: President Bush Has Lowest IQ of all Presidents of past 50 Years"

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////

A CUTE JOKE FOR.....
AND ABOUT.....
US OLDER FOLK AT XANGA

I hope -- like me -- each of you gets a robust chuckle out of this one! Here it is:

This is classic!

Subject: You Look Mah-vellous!

I have been guilty of looking at others my own
age and thinking ... surely I cannot look that old.
I'm sure you've done the same. You may enjoy
this short story....

While waiting for my first appointment in the
reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his
certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly,
I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with
the same name had been in my high school
class some 40 years ago. Upon seeing him,
however, I quickly discarded any such thought.
This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply
lined face was too old to have been my
classmate.

After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if
he had attended the local high school.

"Yes," he replied.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "In 1957."

"Why, you were in my class!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely and then asked, "What
did you teach?"

René

~finis~

MUSINGS AND SHARING.....

Beyond the fact of my longtime limitations, one of the disadvantages of aging, as I'm experiencing it, is the unbridgeable gap between what I want to do in-ternally --- and what I'm able to do ex-ternally. I work first, at accepting it ... next, at accepting it graciously ... and finally --- transcendence --- rising above it alltogether, in my spirit (a state of being, which cancels the need to be having frequent thought about whatever was the challenge).

That is the process I use, in dealing with those unpleasant situations over which I have no power in the material world. Sometimes I go thru the first two stages instantly, to arrive at the final transcendency. Other unpalatable conditions can require decades of effort. Some of these are the ones which keep changing, and are therefore, continually plopping me firmly and repeatedly back at the beginning. (To quote my old friend, the Monopoly Game, "Go directly to `jail', do not pass `GO', do not collect $200". LOL!)

Of course the first requirement is that I step back and accept the two facts of (1) the constant flux, and (2) my need to re-process through the changes. That I have done, and I am firm, but patient, understanding, and gentle with myself in the midst of the work.

Where am I in the process of dealing with aging? I would place myself somewhere in the midst of gracious acceptance, on the road to transcendence --- at this time. (Wait til the next flux occurs, when once again I'll be found running retrograde in my efforts!)

Someone sharing in a fellowship meeting I attended Saturday, mentioned that oft-embraced belief that we are "spiritual beings having a human experience". That sounds nice as far as it goes. I meditated on it many years ago, and came to the conclusion that for me, it's another one of those half-truths which pass as absolutes.

God clearly created the material world because it mattered deeply to Him. Which means my physical human life --- though not as long-lived as my immortal spirit, is of great importance. I believe that the only way in which the spirit has superior significance, is in it's immortality. But just because something has a beginning, middle and an end, doesn't mean it's secondary. I'll use a very clear, and simple example of this principle --- an example which is a wonderful parallel.

Let's look at the subject of marriage .....the wedding ceremony itself, only lasts an hour or two at best, usually followed by several hours of celebration (in some cultures they celebrate for several days!). Yet in it's significance, symbology, and principles, the ceremony is one of the most important parts of the marriage. Pledges are made, which NEED to be taken as seriously as a heart-attack. If the vows are attached to the right kind of commitment by two good people, these vows will be part and parcel of the relationship, which should last til one person dies.

Would we ideally assess the bride and groom in a wedding, as being essentially "betrothed" who are "going thru a joining"? I think not. The value of their vows should remain as important throughout the possible decades of the marriage relationship, as it was the day it occurred. They are just as importantly "wedded", as they are "married".

One point which is really exciting: In the dictionary, The definition of wed, and the definition of marry, are both interchangeable!!!

If we substitute spiritual being for "betrothed", and human experience for "joining ceremony", we can see that the spiritual being is "betrothed" to it's particularly assigned human physical form, and is deeply yearning to go through a "joining ceremony" in order to live out the human experience. (In this instance, the joining is conception or birth, depending on your faith and politics ..... for myself, I choose to believe it's conception.) Our spiritual being was certainly "wed" to our human form. The two have been "married" from that instant of joining, and will continue the relationship til one (the human form) dies.

Is the "betrothed" superior to the "joining ceremony"? No, in fact the state of "being betrothed", exists to facilitate (be of service to) the joining ceremony, and ultimately the marriage relationship. The betrothed parties long for the joining, the same way the spirit longs for it's human form. The two (the "betrothed" and the "joining ceremony") are partners, and ideally they serve each other [in different ways, but] in equal portions.

Is the "spiritual being" part of me superior, because it's "having a human experience"? No, in fact the state of "being spirit", exists --- for that very purpose --- to facilitate (be of service to) the human experience, and ultimately the life quality. The two (the spiritual being and the human experience) are partners, and ideally they serve each other [in different ways, but] in equal portions.

In both cases they are equal, and "One". The betrothed, the joining ceremony and the marriage relationship ..... all three are one.

In like fashion, the spiritual being, the human experience, and the life quality ..... all three are one.

The life quality of my human experience is lop-sided, because my human part has been gravely and repeatedly wounded, and my spiritual being spends inordinate volumes of essence and time supporting basic existence, rather than directing a robust physical life experience. My spirit is forefront and healthy, but my humanness ... although valiant and awesome, is surrounded with self-created limitations, born in defense of environmentally-induced traumas.

The part of my challenge which is most difficult, lies in knowing that my humanness and my spirit, together, are capable of rising above it all, in performance as well as intent; yet, I can't seem to stay focused on the task, maintain a sufficient level of willingness, or muster the required depth of desire. Who wants to knowingly walk into off-the-scale pain? Not me, I'm not a masochist. (What I am, is "chicken"! LOL)

Clearly, I am a dichotomy, even a many-splintered version of my best possible state of being. This is the opposite of having a self which is integrated --- meaning functioning as whole (i.e. all-around health and soundness).

..... and yet (pause for tears) ..... and yet I know, and I know that I know, that I am doing the best I can at this time. I say this (1) with great compassion for the wounding and "holes in my gut", also (2) with tears of deep pain, because brokenness and holes hurt so bad!!! Many of these "holes", I have transcended, and I've made peace with my reality; but with many other holes, I still run and hide from them and the pain that made them. I struggle constantly for the courage to face them and make my peace.

Because finally, I do not give up trying, nor will I ever. My life commitment, one day at a time, is always to make the effort, no matter what the outcome. I am in the "footwork" business, and God is in the "results" business. My job is to do my part, and let Him do His. My success, or lack of it, is essentially "none of my business" -- it's HIS problem!

One thing's for sure, whether one of my wounds is in the form of waiting seeds and unplowed earth, or that of a harvested crop of ripened grain, which nourishes me --- pain avoided or pain faced --- I shall go to my grave with each one of these "holes". They are both my battle scars and the stars in my crown.

This is the true personal "alchemy": Turning the base metal of pain and suffering, into priceless rewards for courage and valiant effort, and finally ... a precious "golden" source of service to others ..... it is the highest form of transcendency!!!

I am both drawn and driven to this goal in all areas of my life. What a grand conflict! There is no greater passion!

In the final analysis, I am BOTH ... a spiritual being having a human experience, AND ... a human being having a spiritual experience. One is no more significant than the other, because God loves and values all parts of us, equally!

[ If anyone is so inclined, please read my favorite Psalm in the Bible: Psalm 139. It tells all about God's love and care for us. There are descriptions of His detailed interest in us before we were conceived ..... during our growth in the womb ..... for every portion of our completed form once we are born ..... and every moment of our life thereafter! ]

.....Musings, Sharing, or whatever The Teacher does, it just might contain.....A LESSON!!!

NO, NO.....I DIDN'T FALL OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH.....
I've just been busy!

Hi everyone! So sorry I "disappeared". I've been busy with the "real world". Thanks-a-bunch (really!), to everyone who has subscribed, commented, and epropped me, the last several weeks since I previously blogged. I will be attempting to get back to you and check out your sites!

I hope all my friends in the USA had a blessed "Turkey Day" (as did I), and that everyone is doing well!

In the meantime, this entry is also about Xanga Meetup. I had signed up and very much wanted to attend the "Inaugural" event last month, but with my illness/stint in the hospital/subsequent recovery period, I completely (and regretfully) forgot about it.....til it was too late. However, I did make it this month (last nite), and my review follows, as posted to the Meetup site.

.....and I quote.....

==============
Your "Friendly Neighborhood Reporter" here, is earthm0m.

I loved this venue (Aroma Cafe in Studio City), it had great atmosphere! It was quite cozy, and felt very safe.

The Meetup Host never showed, but those of us who did attend, had fun. Most of us said we would try to return next month. Four of the attendees were already real-world friends, and traveled together. Two [of the four friends] were actually non-Xangans, but I encouraged them to join up! Apparently, several others were scheduled to show, but got lost on the way, by falling into a cosmic "black hole" on Sunset Boulevard (nowhere near the venue! LOL), and they never made it to the festivities.

I (being very much a "people-person"), made sure to jot down my fellow Xangan's info, so I could subscribe to their blogs. I invited them to take a peek at mine, when they inquired about my other subscriptions.

I think Xanga Meetups are a great idea, and I believe a sufficiently interesting time was had by all. I am really looking forward to next month!
==============
~finis~

That's it folks. If any other Xangans [reading this] are in the L.A.-Santa Monica-San Fernando Valley Area, I hope they will sign up and join us in January. Check out the Xanga Meetup HQ,and give this meetup a try! Since Greater Los Angeles is so huge, I would guess there is a much larger Xangan group living here, other than the current 22 person meetup membership ..... doncha' think?

Tons of Original Earthmom {{{{{hugs}}}}} (!) and love to all!

Shelley-Bean

REFLECTIONS .....

..... THE TEACHER'S JOURNEY

When it comes to providing spiritual instruction --- I prefer being presented with a question or challenging circumstance, which requires a response from me; this is the best of all possible environments, for facilitating my creative teaching abilities --- but if it's required, I can prepare in advance, or improvise on call, to function as the initiator of a discussion topic. Either way, it's always good to be sharing my wisdoms, whether I'm dealing with an individual student who is still searching, a seasoned pilgrim like myself, who "knows" ..... and who also "knows that they know!", or a small group or very large audience in a class or seminar type setting.

About speaking [openly] of God as such, I am able to get away with it. I truly have no need for anyone to agree or disagree, with what works for me. (I'm not implying that there are persons reading this statement who do [require outside approval from others] --- I'm just relating my experience and state of being.) I rarely get any flack or unpleasant questions when I speak of God. The concept of a big ole' protective, loving Father is what works best for me. It's very soothing to visualize myself as a little 5-or-6-year-old child, climbing up into His lap, and being cuddled and cradled with total affection, perfect love, and utter safety. This works especially well for me, when I'm hurting and in particular need of comfort and attention [from Him]!

My conscious contact with God began with my conversion. My journey as a spiritually awakened, born-again-Pentecostal-Christian, was launched in 1960, and lasted for most of seven years; yet for decades (since around 1972), I have worked with folks who are following all types of paths or teachings, and I am able to help them grow in the direction of their spiritual longing. Ultimately, it's their choice ..... and it's frequently about "blooming where you are planted"! Whatever specific teaching folks follow is fine with me (as long as they are satisfied with it); theological differences are not an issue.

I do have a strong Judeo-Christian foundation. I'm maternally half-Jewish by tribe (but not by religion), and I love the Bible; but my understanding of Jesus and his identity, is not exactly what I originally learned in church. I also divorced myself from several other very intrinsic Christian beliefs, when I left that teaching.

For me, many of these doctrines are myth and symbolism, etc.; such as the belief in an unseen evil leader (Satan or the Devil), battling against God all the time, and making life hard on folks. Again, for myself --- I just can't abide that tenet, as well as some other Christian teachings --- even though I have no issue with other people embracing such credos.

However, my spiritual dialogue and some of my other spiritual qualities, definitely have a Christian Fundamentalist flavor and essence. It's cool, `cause I keep things very simple and direct --- without the need to be rigid, exclusive, or elite; and without practicing arbitrary rejection.

I like the example of the wheel

The outer rim is the general journey through life which everyone travels ..... birth to death; the spokes are all the various spiritual and/or religious paths that folks take to reach the hub; and the hub is Spirit, the Ultimate, the Eternal ..... the hub is God.

This was the first area of my life where I truly released any personal agenda for others, and began to practice the principal of

"Live and Let Live"

It's certainly the least practiced principle in the world, because it's the most difficult. I've grown in that principle throughout many other areas of my spirit and character, but like most folks, there are still scenarios where I'm a control freak! (No one's human-ness gets perfect this side of the grave, that's for sure ..... there is always a flaw or two, or TEN, to keep us hard at work!)

Ultimately, I found organized religion lacking in what I needed. I am spiritual, but not religious. I am an eclectic who took what I wanted, and discarded the rest. I assessed the various teachings I had experienced, studied or investigated; keeping what made sense and worked for me. I then left the rest behind. As a finishing touch, I put my own spin on the whole deal.

The concept(s) I settled on in 1969, could be described as essential; a sturdy skeletal foundation supporting lean muscle mass, with no excess or unnecessary flesh under the skin. Today (by comparison), I embrace essentially the same principles, but the "body" of my philosophy has been more than adequately fleshed out ..... it's pleasingly plump ("chubby" like a Buddha!). This is not to imply that the earlier years [starting in 1969] were lacking. What I found back then was utterly satisfying and infinitely sufficient for my needs; but naturally, our requirements change over the course of life, and whatever faith one hopefully has, will grow to meet every challenge that passes our way.

..... to be continued

EDITORIAL COMMENT.....

I first published this entry on Friday, October 18, 2002. Here's what amazes me about the piece---it has not generated a single comment.....not even a negative one!

I've had folks commenting on some of the really nonsensical entries I've done; but this one is a piece of my heart and soul, as well as my life, and no little birdies even came by to peck at it???

Ultimately, I don't care about eprops, or even praise (faint or otherwise), but puh-leeze! It's got to be worthy of at least a "Yea" or "Nay" grunt.....don'cha' think?

So, maybe somehow it just got overlooked. Well I've now updated it and placed it right up front for all the world to see (and hopefully respond this time).

Honestly---with MY ego, I can stand almost anything but being ignored, especially when I'm clearly making fast tracks to be in some kind of spotlight!

LOL

So come on folks---BOO OR RAVE-ON.....HISS OR CHEER.....CRY OR LAUGH.....SEND ME ANGRY SMILEY FACES OR HUGS---but do SOMETHING!

Pwetty Pweeze?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A BIT OF MY STORY.....PAST & PRESENT.....
This is a modified version of an email reply I sent. I haven't blogged for weeks, and because this narrative is worthy of being published -- it inspired me. So here goes.....

Plenty of people have been involved in drugs and alcohol early in their life. When I learn of this, my first question is always to inquire whether or not they are in recovery, and clean & sober now.

I am!.....and I'm sober & clean (from alcohol, diet pills, and all other mind-altering or addictive chemicals) continuously since June 1, 1971.
What a blessing that is!

Some folks' lives are certainly filled with a lot more infamy than mine. My adult "bad-girl" story sounds like it's about a conservative "Goody Two-Shoes", compared to some stories I've heard (for instance, I've never been incarcerated); but mine is more about my psychotic mental disorder of bipolar episodes and manic-depression (two names for the same condition) -- as well as my other emotional illnesses, panic disorders, and (many) other behavioral difficulties.

I was extremely "high-bottomed" regarding chemical dependency and abuse, at the time that I had my last drink and drug (diet pills), but I'm also free of cigarettes (just the regular ones -- never smoked marijuana type stuff), and I was plenty "low-bottomed" with the cigs. I also quit them in 1971. I'd chain-smoked from 2½ to 3½ packs a day for quite a while. Didn't think I'd be able to quit, and went through extreme withdrawals. The psychological ones lasted at least 6 months.
So grateful for being free of that addiction, too!

I also know, that my childhood was more violent and shattering than a goodly portion of folks -- I was suicidal by the time I was 10 years old. My story is not the worst in the world, by any means.....but it holds it's own, within it's particular category.

Many in recovery are now faring better than me at this point in all our lives. I have been disabled (all three categories...mentally, emotionally and physically), and unemployable for eleven years now, and have continued to deteriorate over those years. It's a good thing I love to talk on the phone, email and surf the net. They are my main connection to the world these last several years. I am mostly housebound, and have only been out of the house on an average of 3-5 days per month for most of the past year. (Sigh.....)

It's a good thing my faith is strong -- and it totally is! I love God so much, and He is my companion and my source of grace and strength thru the rigors of my life journey. My relationship with Him is the reason for my joy and contentment in the midst of a devastated existence. Doing his will [and the work of fulfilling the calling he put on my life 42 years ago], is my reason for being on the planet and for breathing in & out!

If anyone out there is reading me, I've been very ill.

Woke up at 4:30am on Tues. Oct. 22nd, with extremely excruciating pains in my stomach. To make a long story as short as possible, here's a brief run down:

I had a severe case of food poisoning, which refused to get better, and I ended up in the ER at 10:30pm on Fri the 25th, after being unable to eat or drink ANYTHING.

I stayed in the hospital for 5 days, living for most of that time on ice chips (they also had me on constant I.V.s, right up to the moment I left).

It turned out I also had a really bad urinary tract infection, as well as a white blood cell count at 16-17,000 (Normal is at/below 10,000), which is now down to a healthy 6-7,000, and spent the whole 5 days getting pumped full of antibiotics (also by IV.)

The diagnosis that got me into this predicament, was a gastro-intestinal condition called "Ileus". It's an inflammation of the inner lining of the intestine, which swells up, and narrows the passage for stuff to get in and out. (*AGONY*!!!)

As an aside, I also spent Sunday Oct. 27th---my 62nd birthday!---in the hospital. Considering the circumstances, it was a lovely occasion, with several of my very dear friends visiting me, bearing gifts and well-wishes. My brother and his family...who live in Colorado Springs...sent me an extraordinarily lovely floral arrangement with both "Get Well" and "Happy Birthday" balloons included! (Of course we spoke by phone too.) I got lots more beautiful flowers (some from a home garden), a plant, a great book called "The Blue Day Book", with nifty photos of animals and cute captions for each; a stuffed bear with his paw in a honey-pot, and a pair of slippers, and of course lots of cards, phone calls & emails. I am a truly rich woman, in the things that matter---it's wonderful to be appreciated and loved by so many special and wonderful folks!

I left the hospital on the 30th, against medical advice, because I had to get my low-income housing annual application & documents turned in, or ultimately be out on the street (the full price of my apartment is hundreds more than my monthly Social Security amount!).

After I did that, I went into major battle against a really bad bout of clinical depression. (Please remember, I am bi-polar/manic-depressive, so this is a "natural" state for me.)

It's one of the worst depressive episodes I've had in a while, but because of my years of spiritual recovery work on this mental-illness area of my life, I was able to keep it from descending to the level of "worst of the worst---paralysis". (I call that state "lower than a snake's belly"!)

Today (Sunday, Nov. 10th), I am finally feeling better, a bit more like a person again, instead of a war-zone, so here I am posting a weblog for posterity.

Hope all of you are doing well. Haven't gotten around to reading anyone else yet, but will when I can.

Love and tons of "Original Earthmom" {{{cyberhugs}}} to all!

Shelley

Check this out!

PREVENT ABUSE OF WOMEN--TEACH BOYS EARLY: Article

(Scroll down the page for the Article.)